The Wallflower Report

So I didn’t get to post anything the last couple of days. Apparently Paris ran out of things to be offended about in real life so she decided to look on the internet. Luckily for her it didn’t take very long for her to find something. Unluckily for everybody else who maybe wanted to do some browsing or update their blogs or whatever she kept finding more and more.

Thank God she finally got to the point where she was too pissed off to even look at the screen any more. This was caused by something called “appropriation”.
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So we went to the supermarket yesterday and Judy spent like I swear to God five hours circling around the parking lot looking for a parking space that was “close enough” to the door, which I think in her case means it’s somehow closer to the door than the sidewalk is.
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Oh hey, I have a blog? That’s kind of cool, but I guess I should probably do something with it. My friend Paris is always taking stuff that she found and turning it into a lamp or a planter or some kind of bizarre hybrid lamp/planter which will rise up and throw off the shackles of its human oppressors to usher in the Empire of the Plamper.
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So Judy keeps wanting me to go across the river to the casinos with her but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Every single time we go to the casinos she ends up losing all her money, usually five minutes after she asks me to hold her pocketbook. It’s a serious problem. I’d probably like stage an intervention or something, but I really kind of need the money.
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Today’s just kind of a yucky blah kind of a day, you know? Like I can’t figure out what to do with myself. For a while I tried lying on my back in bed and counting the ceiling, but I always got stuck at one. Then I tried lying on my stomach in bed and doing it, just for an added challenge, you know, but there was no way to ensure the accuracy of the count so I gave up.
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I’ve been thinking a lot about writing a book lately. I mean, I’ve been thinking about it lately. I haven’t been thinking all this time about lately writing a book. That’s the sort of thing I’m going to have to work on, if I want to write a book. You know what I mean? Clarity. It’s important to be claritious when you’re writing for a wider audience.
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Somebody should pay me to come up with things, because I’m pretty good at it. Not actually make them, you know, but come up with the idea of them.
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Hey guys. So, it seems like I haven’t had a lot to say lately but actually I’ve just been like too tired or cranky to put anything together. I haven’t been able to get my Dr. Pepper fix lately because my friend Paris has decided to quit caffeine for The New Year.
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So I was thinking again.

Actually like thinking this time and not taking a bubble bath.
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This is such a short update I’m not even going to bother with the Morey thingy. Which is not to be confused with the moray thingy because that is an eel that can bite through a man’s torso. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.

The thing is that I’ve spent a lot of time lately trying to explain myself to people who don’t “get” me. Now I’m realizing I don’t need to worry about them. Instead I should be worrying about the people who do “get” me because once they’ve gotten me they can stick electrode and stuff inside my skin while I’m sleeping.

What if they already have me?

One thing about being a writing type person is that people are always asking me where I get my ideas.

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Okay so I didn’t get updates up the last couple days and I have to say “mea culpa” about that, which is either Latin for ”I’m a culpa” or is Woody Allen’s ex-girlfriend.

I forget which.

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