The Wallflower Report

Epcot!

Does any word in any language sound as much like “apricot” without actually being it?

I mean like if you pronounce it the way with a short Ay sound and not the silly way that makes it sound like “ape”. No actually I guess it sounds about the same amount like “Epcot” no matter which way you say it. Which isn’t that much now that I think about it.

Maybe if it was “epricot”.

Okay, from now on everybody has to say “apricot” like it starts with an Eee. That way when people of future generations read this it will make sense. Hello, future generations! If you’re reading this in the future, don’t pay attention to the two paragraphs before this one! Take like an amnesia pill or use a memory erasing ray or whatever it is you have in your far-flung future.

So anyway Epcot’s history is a long and storied history. So storied that like you might as well save time and just call it “historied”. Its historied goes back to the very earliest days of Disney World. See, Walt Disney had already built a theme park called Disneyland back in California and the last thing he wanted to do was build another one just like it. Instead he imagined building a perfectly planned city that would use the latest space ageiest technologies so people would come from all over the world to see.

He called this city “EPCOT”, which stands for “ALL COWS EAT GRASS”.

Old Walt was sure that people would come to live and work and spend money in a city where he owned all the property and controlled every aspect of everyone’s lives, but eventually his board of directors convinced him to put a theme park just like Disneyland there, too.

Mr. Disney never gave up on his futuristic city, though he ended up dying before he saw his dream die, be paved over and another theme park built on top of it. That theme park is called Epcot in honor of the vision it replaced, and the resort it’s part of is called Walt Disney World Resort. Just like a great big tombstone, it bears the name of the person over whose dead body it was built.

Tomorrow: The journey continues. In a parking lot named Journey.

Okay so like I said last time I kind of took some time to get out there and see the world, but the first thing you have to decide when you do that is where you want to go first, right? That’s kind of a pretty big question all by itself, but it gets even bigger when you take it to the next level, which is like exactly the same as the previous level except now all the turtles can breathe fire and some of the lobsters have chainsaws.

Oh sorry. That’s from my video game pitch.

Anyway so the next level is figuring out what world you want to go see. I mean there’s The Wide World of Sports and there’s Cost Plus World Market (I don’t think many people shopped at Cost, before they merged) and there’s the Omaha World-Herald and there’s World 4: Giant Land but after careful consideration and weighing all the options and seeing a commercial with the Muppets I decided to go see Walt Disney World.

It only made sense. I mean, they’ve got the World Showcase thingy in Epcot and that would let me get a ton of different countries out of the way all at once. That’s just like smart or something.

So tomorrow my journey will begin. My journey of writing about the journey I took last fall. And your journey of reading it. And maybe we’ll listen to some Journey.

See you then.

So, you’ve probably noticed that I like didn’t update a whole bunch in the last year. I’ve been kind of busy. See, I was having a hard time thinking up things to write about so I decide to travel a bit and like see the world and stuff and then I could write about all the places I visited. Sounds like a great idea, right?

But then after months of visiting places I realized it would make more sense to write about each of the places one at a time. Especially since I’d already forgot about most of the places I visited.

So I just sort of like came home and started writing about other stuff. I think I might have some stuff to say about the other places, too, though.

So I didn’t get to post anything the last couple of days. Apparently Paris ran out of things to be offended about in real life so she decided to look on the internet. Luckily for her it didn’t take very long for her to find something. Unluckily for everybody else who maybe wanted to do some browsing or update their blogs or whatever she kept finding more and more.

Thank God she finally got to the point where she was too pissed off to even look at the screen any more. This was caused by something called “appropriation”.
(more…)

So we went to the supermarket yesterday and Judy spent like I swear to God five hours circling around the parking lot looking for a parking space that was “close enough” to the door, which I think in her case means it’s somehow closer to the door than the sidewalk is.
(more…)

Oh hey, I have a blog? That’s kind of cool, but I guess I should probably do something with it. My friend Paris is always taking stuff that she found and turning it into a lamp or a planter or some kind of bizarre hybrid lamp/planter which will rise up and throw off the shackles of its human oppressors to usher in the Empire of the Plamper.
(more…)

So Judy keeps wanting me to go across the river to the casinos with her but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Every single time we go to the casinos she ends up losing all her money, usually five minutes after she asks me to hold her pocketbook. It’s a serious problem. I’d probably like stage an intervention or something, but I really kind of need the money.
(more…)

Today’s just kind of a yucky blah kind of a day, you know? Like I can’t figure out what to do with myself. For a while I tried lying on my back in bed and counting the ceiling, but I always got stuck at one. Then I tried lying on my stomach in bed and doing it, just for an added challenge, you know, but there was no way to ensure the accuracy of the count so I gave up.
(more…)

I’ve been thinking a lot about writing a book lately. I mean, I’ve been thinking about it lately. I haven’t been thinking all this time about lately writing a book. That’s the sort of thing I’m going to have to work on, if I want to write a book. You know what I mean? Clarity. It’s important to be claritious when you’re writing for a wider audience.
(more…)

Somebody should pay me to come up with things, because I’m pretty good at it. Not actually make them, you know, but come up with the idea of them.
(more…)

Hey guys. So, it seems like I haven’t had a lot to say lately but actually I’ve just been like too tired or cranky to put anything together. I haven’t been able to get my Dr. Pepper fix lately because my friend Paris has decided to quit caffeine for The New Year.
(more…)

So I was thinking again.

Actually like thinking this time and not taking a bubble bath.
(more…)

This is such a short update I’m not even going to bother with the Morey thingy. Which is not to be confused with the moray thingy because that is an eel that can bite through a man’s torso. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.

The thing is that I’ve spent a lot of time lately trying to explain myself to people who don’t “get” me. Now I’m realizing I don’t need to worry about them. Instead I should be worrying about the people who do “get” me because once they’ve gotten me they can stick electrode and stuff inside my skin while I’m sleeping.

What if they already have me?

One thing about being a writing type person is that people are always asking me where I get my ideas.

(more…)

Okay so I didn’t get updates up the last couple days and I have to say “mea culpa” about that, which is either Latin for ”I’m a culpa” or is Woody Allen’s ex-girlfriend.

I forget which.

(more…)