The Wallflower Report

What’s black and white and red all over? The movie I just saw called Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street.

Seriously there’s like no color in this movie at all unless it’s blood, except for one scene which manages to be really distubring without anybody getting their throat cut in it. If you’ve ever wanted to know what Bellatrix LeStrange would look like if she took a holiday by the seaside then this is definitely the movie for you. And if you haven’t, then why not?

“Holiday” is British for “vacation”, by the way. Only it’s pronounced “Oll Ee Dye.” That’s called “The Received Pronunciation” which is British for “Nobody can understand what you’re saying, you ponce.” I don’t know what “ponce” means, though.

I think I saw a version of this movie in high school? Only it had Angela Lansbury and it was a play. I don’t know. I remember everybody laughing because one of the songs says “shit” in it.

Anyway the story of the movie or the play or whatever is a barber guy gets sent to Australia after a transporter mishap that somehow led to a dirty old judge raping his wife and stealing his daughter and he comes back to London with a new name to Seek His Revenge On Those Who Wronged Him.

Then he meets his crazy old landlord lady and one thing leads to another and of course before you know it they’re killing people and baking them into pies. It is as another character played by Angela Lansbury sang, “A tale as old as time.”

The movie ends the only way that a movie about a crazy barber killing people and making them into pies can end: (!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!) everybody dies. This surprised me ’cause the movie has a subtitle and that just sort of screams “sequel”, you know? Though the kid is still alive so maybe it will be “Sweeney Todd: The Next Generation.” Or maybe he’ll be revived by lightning and have undead superpowers.

Or maybe since he’s the “Demon” barber the movie could open in hell and he challenges Satan to a shaving contest where if he wins he gets his life back and demonic superpowers or he gets Satan’s throne or something, but if he loses… um… I guess Satan already has his soul, so he gets put in a slightly worse hell?

I don’t know. The possibilities are endless, though.

~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower

This entry was posted on Monday, January 14th, 2008 at 7:26 am and is filed under Movies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.