The Wallflower Report

So we went to the supermarket yesterday and Judy spent like I swear to God five hours circling around the parking lot looking for a parking space that was “close enough” to the door, which I think in her case means it’s somehow closer to the door than the sidewalk is.

I really don’t care if we have to walk a bit because the whole parking lot isn’t that big and when we come out we’ve got a shopping cart (”buggy” for my readers Down South and “torch” for those in Jolly Olde England) for the groceries, but apparently it’s a big deal to her. I don’t think it’s so much that she minds walking as she doesn’t want to think that anybody else has to walk less. Like, I asked her to just drop me off by the curb but she said there was no way I was getting a free ride to the front door if she had to schlep her ass across the pavement. So I asked her to drop me off at the far end of the parking lot because I’d still get inside the store faster that way and she just gave me a dirty look.

The thing is we passed a lot of perfectly good parking spots which Judy passed up because they weren’t good enough and you know what? I blame the handicapped. Or at least their spaces. They sit there at the front of the rows, being completely unusable and taunting Judy with their emptiness and convenience.

I don’t know why we have to have special spaces for the handicapped anyway. I know it’s supposed to be “for their own good” or whatever but I don’t think anybody likes being singled out like that. I don’t believe in defining people by their disabilities. Except for my friend Bovine Spongiform Enchepha-Larry, who has rickets. Everybody else, I try to define by the sound I think they’d make if you fired a can of soup at their head out of some kind of a giant magnetic slingshot. In my mind, most people end up being some sort of KA-SHPLORT noise, but some people get grouped together as THA-KRUNK.

The things you end up thinking about when circling around looking for a parking spot, huh?

~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 7th, 2008 at 9:11 am and is filed under Miss... Mics... Assorted. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.