The Wallflower Report

I’ve been thinking a lot about writing a book lately. I mean, I’ve been thinking about it lately. I haven’t been thinking all this time about lately writing a book. That’s the sort of thing I’m going to have to work on, if I want to write a book. You know what I mean? Clarity. It’s important to be claritious when you’re writing for a wider audience.

When I told Judy about my idea (oh yeah we’re back together kinda) she was all like “who the hell would buy a book by you?” So I told her that it wouldn’t matter who’d buy a book by me since I’ve already decided I should use what the French call a nom de guerre, or literally “Name That Gare”.

So she asks me what name I’m going to use and I told her Shandy Adtater and she goes “Um, nobody is named Shandy Adtater, Ari” and it’s like well duh that’s why I’m using it. If I put somebody else’s name on the book then they’ll get all the profits, which when you write a book are called royalties because back in the Olden Times you had to be royalty to be able to read and write. I tell Judy this and she just rolls her eyes.

She can be so stupid sometimes, but she does make the best waffles.

Well, she buys them, anyway.

Well, I buy them with her money.

And stick them to the wall with honey butter.

And sometimes glue.

Anyway, my book would be about everything. Well, not everything. That would take too much paper, and our nation’s paper wells are already dangerously close to tapped. Also it would take like literally forever to write about everything, and what would I do if people made new things up while I was writing? I suppose I could make it everything In Order Of Appearance but that would take too much research to figure out, and I’d probably get stuck on the whole chicken/egg thing. So just some things.

It would be called Ariella Rasputin Wallflower’s Big Book Of Things As Written By Shandy Adtater.

Um, except a big book would still take up a lot of time and paper. So maybe just a little book. And also now that I think about it “thing” sometimes means “penis” so maybe that’s offensive.

So Ariella Rasputin Wallflower’s Big Little Book Of Things As Written By Shandy Adtater.

I’d buy that book. Wouldn’t you?

~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower

This entry was posted on Friday, February 1st, 2008 at 7:38 am and is filed under Miss... Mics... Assorted. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.