The Wallflower Report

So Judy keeps wanting me to go across the river to the casinos with her but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Every single time we go to the casinos she ends up losing all her money, usually five minutes after she asks me to hold her pocketbook. It’s a serious problem. I’d probably like stage an intervention or something, but I really kind of need the money.

The other reason is that I never have any fun gambling. Like, I’m absolutely horrible at poker because I have what in poker circles (also known as “chips”) is known as a “tell”, which is from the French le tell, meaning “tell.” Basically this means you do something that gives away what cards are in your hand. Tugging your ear or tapping your finger or saying “Hey look at my cards” as you show them around the table are some of the “classic tells.” They say that everybody has one, if you know what to look for.

Mine is really easy to spot. I always whistle Flight of the Bumblebee when I have a six-high straight, just like I always hum Funeral March of a Marionette if I’ve had nachos that day. Always. All day. This is why Judy won’t let me buy corn chips.

So I try to stay away from the poker tables and just stick to the video slot machines, which are cool and all. It’s like these days, if you put a dollar into a regular arcade game and one into a penny slot machine, it’ll probably last longer in the slot machine. And they’ve got cool themes like pirates and haunted houses and stuff, and little mini games and bonus rounds. The only problem is I think I must have a tell for slot machines, too, because every time I start to win on one, I end up losing again the next go-around. It’s like they catch onto me or something.

Oh well. There’s still the buffet. I always win at that.

~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 18th, 2008 at 8:44 am and is filed under Miss... Mics... Assorted. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.