Are Eee Ess Pee Eee See Tee

So last night I was eating a big bowl of ice cream in bed and Judy’s all like “Don’t you even have any respect for your body?”

And it’s like okay yeah maybe my body does put out almost every time I’m “in the mood” but that doesn’t mean I can’t have respect for it. This is the 21st century. We’re sophisticated and mature adults. We can have a purely physical relationship and still respect each other in the morning.

Speaking of the 21st century, remember when that used to mean something was futuristic? And now it just means normal? That’s weird. Paris told me that we’re living in the future now but I don’t think that’s true. Just the other day I went out to the garage to see if the old laser tag stuff I keep there has turned into magic wands yet and so far it hasn’t. You know, like that cartoon Lazer Tag Academy? Which by the way if you’re too young to have seen it, The Matrix was just a giant rip-off of that. The Ruby-Spears people should totally sue. So but anyway it seems like either the cartoon lied to me or we’re still stuck in the boring old present. Oh well.

Um. Anyway.

So I was telling Judy about how my body and me have what Paris calls a “sex positive” relationship and she tells me she was talking about eating a big bowl of ice cream right before bed and I’m like “Duh. I’m not eating it before bed I’m eating it during bed.” I’m not sure how she got that confused. Maybe Judy’s living in the past? But anyway from where I’m sitting (and at the time that was the bed), giving your body ice cream is a great way to show your respect for it.

It was good ice cream, too. A&W Brand Root Beer Float flavored ice cream, which is basically vanilla ice cream swirled with root beer flavored ice cream. I still have some, too, so I think today I’ll show my body some more respect by making a root beer float with it to see if I can break reality with some kind of recursion error or something.

Maybe then my laser tag gear will turn magic.

~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower

23 Responses to “Are Eee Ess Pee Eee See Tee”

  1. Zathras IX says:

    Float hopes…? :D

  2. Joy S. Daye says:

    Ariella, we missed YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

    You are the future, and we are all your devoted followers. Lead us into the magic wand revolution, with root beer our new national drink.

  3. nobodez says:

    It’s posts liek this that make me realize that I’m nowhere near insane. At least, not compared to the definition you have made.

    On another note: G#.

  4. kerinbot says:

    .. yeah… the future.

    I occasionally re-read some of favorites of the Old Great SF authors (who have been dying off like flies, lately, which makes me very sad). And it gives me this kind of melancholic amusement to see these future societies set in years nearly a decade or more in the past. Where DID the future go?

    We may be using dates that start with “2…” but ..

    I say, it’s NOT the future until we have flying cars.

    That’s official.

    ‘cuz i say so.

  5. Joy S. Daye says:

    I saw a flying car on tv yesterday, it was in a volkswagon commercial.

  6. Isthiriel says:

    “I say, it’s NOT the future until we have flying cars.”

    What, like the Moller Skycar?

  7. Ariella Rasputin Wallflower says:

    Look, like I told those guys when they were on NPR’s Future Tense. that is not a Skycar. A Skycar is a car that can go in the sky. What they’re making is a plane that can go on the road.

    That’s a Roadplane, not a Skycar.

  8. Kit says:

    Because of that whole relativity thing, it’s not the future until I personally have a flying car.

  9. Snowfire says:

    You have Laser Tag Gear???

    Is supremely jealous.

    Great work on all your stories, just waiting on a new update for Void Dogs.

  10. 80-watt Hamster says:

    I’m just surprised Ariella managed to spell recursion properly, let alone use it in context.

  11. Elfi says:

    personally I’m not surprised that a really good writer knows how to spell an obscure word AND use it in context, but that could just be my high expectations. : D

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