The Wallflower Report

So I couldn’t get to my own webpage the other day. I asked my friend Lexy (who I let run the webpage for me) and she told me she’s been having server problems lately. Do I ever know what that’s like! Like, last time I was at Village Inn I told the server I wanted my salad served in alphabetical order and I don’t think she even tried.

Also, I asked for my salad dressing on the side and then when it got there I couldn’t figure out if it was on the side of Good, or Evil. That wasn’t really the server’s fault, though. I mean, it’s just one of The Mysteries Of Life.

I don’t know. I’ve been eating a lot of salads lately, though, so things like the moral alignment of dressing is never very far from my mind. I don’t like a lot of dressing on my salads, though. Just a little bit. I think it’s usually a pretty good idea to go easy on something until I know whose side it’s on.

My favorite dressing is raspberry vineg… vinia… vina-regret, and after that honey mustard. Honey mustard always seemed weird to me because mustard doesn’t make a very good salad dressing, and honey on salad just makes a sticky mess, but with their powers combined, it’s a good dressing.

I haven’t always been a big fan of salads, or a “salad fan” if you will. Paris got me started on them because she thinks she needs to lose a bunch of weight. I think it’s another part of her whole artistic side, you know? Because the weight loss commercials always say “Results Not Typical” when they show the success stories. Paris is the sort of person who’d want to lose a bunch of weight just to show the world how Not Typical she is.

Or maybe she just wants to look like one of those starving artists you hear about.

So, anyway, she’s had nothing but lettuce and stuff in her fridge for a while, and balsamic vina-regret, the most regretful of all vina-regrets. She was like “It’s all about eating right, Ari,” but that didn’t seem right to me at all so I went and I bought her some honey mustard dressing, sweetbutter cornbread croutons, toffee glazed almond slivers, and shredded cheese with this money I found in her checking account.

Did she thank me? No. Starving artists are so angsty sometimes! Well, she can stick to her leaves and vina-regret if she wants. I’m going to be eating right.

~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 17th, 2008 at 8:59 am and is filed under Food. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.