The Wallflower Report

Hey did you ever see that Dairy Queen commercial for like their blizzard of the month where the schlubby looking guy in the waffle cone suit and the schlubby looking woman in the ice cream suit are all like into each other? They were on TV all over the place last summer. I don’t think they show them any more, which is good.

I mean, even ignoring the fact that the guy is a guy and not another girl the whole thing was pretty much gee-are-oh-ess-ess… which is a shame because the blizzard looked really good, but every time you ate it you’d have to think about those commercials and when schlubby-looking people dressed as foodstuffs have implied sex with whipped cream nobody wins.

But now Ben & Jerry’s has come out with a new flavor that’s pretty much the same thing. It’s called Americone Dreams and it has waffle cone and chocolate and caramel mixed in with it. There’s a picture of Stephen Colbert on the top of it, but since you have to take the top off to actually eat it that’s not so bad. I mean, people say he’s funny, but I never really thought so. Mostly because I’ve never heard of him. It’s hard to think anything about somebody you’ve never heard of, though God knows I’ve tried.

Anyway the only problem is that I can only find Ben & Jerry’s in like these little tiny cartons that cost like three times as much as a gallon of plain store brand ice cream, which kind of sucks for me due to the funding problems I mentioned in my last post. I tried to figure out how to make it on my own.

At first I thought I could put a bunch of chocolate-dipped waffle cones, arrange them pointy-side-up on a table, drizzle caramel on them, and then drop an upside-down gallon bucket of vanilla ice cream on them from above, but that didn’t work nearly as well as you might think it would. Mostly it just broke the cones and scattered the pieces.

Then I remembered that Judy has an ice cream maker she hardly ever uses, and it was like, duh… the ice cream maker is like really heavy. So, I tried using it to hammer the waffle cones into the ice cream, and now I’m not allowed inside her kitchen any more.

So I guess the moral or the upshot or whatever of all of this is that “foodstuffs” is a funny word. I mean, nobody ever talks about “stuffs” so why shouldn’t more than one “foodstuff” just be “some foodstuff”?

~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 20th, 2007 at 4:00 pm and is filed under Food. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.