Waffling
Hey did you ever see that Dairy Queen commercial for like their blizzard of the month where the schlubby looking guy in the waffle cone suit and the schlubby looking woman in the ice cream suit are all like into each other? They were on TV all over the place last summer. I don’t think they show them any more, which is good.
I mean, even ignoring the fact that the guy is a guy and not another girl the whole thing was pretty much gee-are-oh-ess-ess… which is a shame because the blizzard looked really good, but every time you ate it you’d have to think about those commercials and when schlubby-looking people dressed as foodstuffs have implied sex with whipped cream nobody wins.
But now Ben & Jerry’s has come out with a new flavor that’s pretty much the same thing. It’s called Americone Dreams and it has waffle cone and chocolate and caramel mixed in with it. There’s a picture of Stephen Colbert on the top of it, but since you have to take the top off to actually eat it that’s not so bad. I mean, people say he’s funny, but I never really thought so. Mostly because I’ve never heard of him. It’s hard to think anything about somebody you’ve never heard of, though God knows I’ve tried.
Anyway the only problem is that I can only find Ben & Jerry’s in like these little tiny cartons that cost like three times as much as a gallon of plain store brand ice cream, which kind of sucks for me due to the funding problems I mentioned in my last post. I tried to figure out how to make it on my own.
At first I thought I could put a bunch of chocolate-dipped waffle cones, arrange them pointy-side-up on a table, drizzle caramel on them, and then drop an upside-down gallon bucket of vanilla ice cream on them from above, but that didn’t work nearly as well as you might think it would. Mostly it just broke the cones and scattered the pieces.
Then I remembered that Judy has an ice cream maker she hardly ever uses, and it was like, duh… the ice cream maker is like really heavy. So, I tried using it to hammer the waffle cones into the ice cream, and now I’m not allowed inside her kitchen any more.
So I guess the moral or the upshot or whatever of all of this is that “foodstuffs” is a funny word. I mean, nobody ever talks about “stuffs” so why shouldn’t more than one “foodstuff” just be “some foodstuff”?
~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower
November 21st, 2007 at 2:44 am
Oh em gee you are such genius Ariella!
You make a totally good point about “foodstuffs.” I mean, I tried saying “stuffs” before, and people just thought I was stupid. But then it’s all like, what? Everybody else gets to say “foodstuffs”… but I can’t say “stuffs?” I mean, it’s just liek, totally unfair, right? You know, I think this is just another sign that our society is going completely to ruins, you know?!!?!
I think I can give some insight on this whole Stephen Colbert business–see I’ve heard of him and so that makes it so much easier to get why he’s funny: It’s all about the looks! I mean, look at him, he just looks funny! You saw him on the ice cream box top thingy so you know what I’m talking about, right? He looks funny!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Stephen_Colbert_4_by_David_Shankbone.jpg
Look! He’s funny!
NEways, I totally love you Ariella. You’re like, completely not insane at all. Everyone else I’ve met is like, not knowing anything, but you see things the way they are, really! I hope other people see your smartness and then you can be, like famous, like Stephen Colbert. And then people can talk about how funny you look it’ll be great!
November 22nd, 2007 at 8:29 pm
LOL, yah, he totally is funny looking! Everyone is always talking about him and I’m like “who?” but I think maybe he wants to be president or something?
November 25th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Hey, I say “stuffs” all the time.
Or like, I would. If I did. Which I should, because it’s funny. So maybe somewhere there’s like a parallel universe where I’m a professional comedian and stuffs.
See what I did there???
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