Do Not Try To Bend The Tree
Okay so some of you were all like “Oh em gee Ari how can you not believe in trees?” So I thought I’d take a couple moments to explain because it’s actually pretty easy.
See I’ve always been told that everybody needs something to believe in. So I believe in no trees. That’s what I believe in.
It’s not just some random thing I picked either. There’s all kinds of benefits. Like people always talk about the beauty of Our National Forests but then they talk about how you can’t even see the forest for the trees? If I ever visited one of Our National Forests you know I would totally be able to see it.
Not everybody is willing to accept my beliefs of course. They’ll go like, “Um Ari if there are no trees then where do squirrels live?” and it’s like um did you ever think this might be why the squirrels are out to get me? I mean hello! I’m the only one who’s on to their little conspiro… consper… scheme.
Think about it. So-called “trees” are supposed to breath the carbon dye, oxide… right? Only I don’t think oxide is even a carbon dye. I mean, OxyClean gets rid of stains. That doesn’t sound like a dye to me. It’s all very fishy to me. It doesn’t hold up.
And then there’s that whole “If a tree falls in the forest and nobody’s around” thing. What’s that? Propaganda. We’re supposed to just accept that this alleged “tree” can even fall in the first place much less make a sound and we’re supposed to take it on faith that the reason we can’t see or hear it falling is that it happens when we’re not around?
Please. I’m just not that gullible.
Also isn’t it a little too convenient that the supposed “rain forest” keeps disappearing?
~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower
December 5th, 2007 at 10:15 am
Heh, totally expected her to mention that the ‘rain forest’ brings the rain. Or maybe that its where it ‘rains’ forest.
Funny.
December 5th, 2007 at 10:52 am
One of the best humorous items here are the google ads on the right side - At least in my case all concerning different kinds of trees
December 5th, 2007 at 10:53 am
That just goes to show how you shouldn’t believe something just because it’s on the internet then.
December 5th, 2007 at 11:08 am
God. Is. Dead.
December 5th, 2007 at 11:25 am
And then he came back. And he was pissed!
December 5th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
You know, moridain, it’s not very polite to talk about someone in the third person when they’re right in front of you. >:(
Wait, or is that second person? Which one’s the one like those Choose Your Own Adventure books?
December 5th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Those books rocked. I liked the time machine ones, too, definitely. I want to know how they knew I’d be reading them, as they’re all addressed to me. I don’t know why you third persons would like a book that was written for me though.
December 6th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
When this was posted I thought it was totally awesome! So I had to show my mom the post. She told me that it explains a lot. She totally gets it! I used to think there were trees outside my window but now I know there aren’t.
I don’t know why the squirrels are mad at you for not believing in trees. One time when I was coming home one fell to the ground from a very high up point, and without trees they wouldn’t have to risk that danger. They should thank you, not be all freaky and weird and…squirrelish.
June 6th, 2008 at 7:46 am
Ariella, you are amazing.
September 9th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
You know, there may be more people with your beliefs than you suspect.
You should visit an Atrium (many malls, hotels, and ancient Roman houses have them). The latter is a bit harder to visit these days, admittedly.
I believe very few of them have any trees in them. Sure, some tall treeish bushes and stuff. But they’re mostly all about plants that AREN’T trees. And patios. Not that many squirrels, either.
Coincidence? I don’t think so!
October 9th, 2010 at 3:30 am
It only goes to show where there’s will there’s a way. Keep on trying. - Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain 1835 - 1910
October 30th, 2010 at 3:54 am
Hey Elton,You got me:)I will thing about it!
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