BSOD
Okay so um you know what I really hate? Other than creepy black squirrels of death that seem to be following you around but everybody else says they’re just regular squirrels with slightly darker fur, I mean, because who doesn’t hate them? It’s when you’re trying to tell somebody something and all they keep jumping in with a lot of dumb questions or they just want to talk about themselves all day.
Like the other day I was talking to Judy on the phone, and before I could even finish telling her that the black squirrel was back and it was on the hood of my car looking in at me she was all like, “How the fuck did you get this number?”, like that even had anything to do with the squirrel, you know? And then she launched into this totally irrelevant story about how she’d got her number changed and told everybody not to give it to me and if I didn’t stop calling her she was going to kick my ass, and it’s like all I wanted to do was ask her if she’d seen any black squirrels or ever heard about squirrels gnawing somebody’s face off or figuring out how to pick locks or send threatening e-mails!
But apparently since that’s got nothing to do with Judy it’s just not important enough to talk about. And hey did you ever notice that the word “irrelevant” sounds kind of like “ear elephant”?
So anyway that’s Judy for you. She’s like so totally wrapped up in her own little world that she just doesn’t have time for anybody else and
Oh shit I’ll finish this later. The squirrel’s back.
~Ariella Rasputin Wallflower
November 27th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
That rude Judy! Good thing Ari’s so tolerant, or she might get the idea Judy doesn’t want to talk to her or something.
November 28th, 2007 at 10:35 am
It’s not her imagination. It’s a well-known (?) fact that squirrels are the suicidal foot soldiers in The Animal Conspiracy.
Ari is completely justified in using lethal force in dealing with the Creepy Black Squirrels of Death!
November 28th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Eeeek! I keep seeing black squirrels in my yard they are SO creepy. Maybe they’re the same ones. Huh. I just wrote samr instead of same by accident cuz I cant touchtype and it looked kinda like the word samari. Maybe the black squirrels are secret black squirrel samari (sp?) and there’s like a rebel or something trying to warn me by sending secret telepathic messages through my subconsious! Except then the ordinary secret black squirrel samari would have subconsious telepathy too and I dont think I like that idea. There’s an ad to keep squirrels off under this box. Maybe I’ll check that out.
December 5th, 2007 at 1:15 am
In Vienna, Austria, there are these squirrels that live in the park of Schönbrunn, and they gnaw off the ringfingers of tourists (whether it has a ring or not). They’re making the ultimate weapon of Animal Vengeance byt smelting them and… well, whatever man-eating squirrels do with a weapon like that. This is not common knowledge because the squirrels eliminate most who know about this.
Maybe they’re related to these.
January 18th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
OK OK OK so… I was just looking at the side of the website, and i saw the category thing, and I was like hmmm… trees + squirrels + video games …. = ……..VIVA PINATA!!!!
OK yeah so it’s totally cool! And there’s trees so you probly wouldnt like that! But there’s orange squirrels and you can hit them with a shovel and candy comes out!!! And there’s a unicorn later but I haven’t gotten to that part yet. And a dragon. And maybe I hear theres possibly a yeti but thats unconfirmed. and maybe a penguin. although I don’t know why a penguin would be as rare as a dragon and a yeti.
September 9th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I’m sending Foamy the Squirrel after all of y’use