The Wallflower Report

Epcot!

Does any word in any language sound as much like “apricot” without actually being it?

I mean like if you pronounce it the way with a short Ay sound and not the silly way that makes it sound like “ape”. No actually I guess it sounds about the same amount like “Epcot” no matter which way you say it. Which isn’t that much now that I think about it.

Maybe if it was “epricot”.

Okay, from now on everybody has to say “apricot” like it starts with an Eee. That way when people of future generations read this it will make sense. Hello, future generations! If you’re reading this in the future, don’t pay attention to the two paragraphs before this one! Take like an amnesia pill or use a memory erasing ray or whatever it is you have in your far-flung future.

So anyway Epcot’s history is a long and storied history. So storied that like you might as well save time and just call it “historied”. Its historied goes back to the very earliest days of Disney World. See, Walt Disney had already built a theme park called Disneyland back in California and the last thing he wanted to do was build another one just like it. Instead he imagined building a perfectly planned city that would use the latest space ageiest technologies so people would come from all over the world to see.

He called this city “EPCOT”, which stands for “ALL COWS EAT GRASS”.

Old Walt was sure that people would come to live and work and spend money in a city where he owned all the property and controlled every aspect of everyone’s lives, but eventually his board of directors convinced him to put a theme park just like Disneyland there, too.

Mr. Disney never gave up on his futuristic city, though he ended up dying before he saw his dream die, be paved over and another theme park built on top of it. That theme park is called Epcot in honor of the vision it replaced, and the resort it’s part of is called Walt Disney World Resort. Just like a great big tombstone, it bears the name of the person over whose dead body it was built.

Tomorrow: The journey continues. In a parking lot named Journey.

Okay so like I said last time I kind of took some time to get out there and see the world, but the first thing you have to decide when you do that is where you want to go first, right? That’s kind of a pretty big question all by itself, but it gets even bigger when you take it to the next level, which is like exactly the same as the previous level except now all the turtles can breathe fire and some of the lobsters have chainsaws.

Oh sorry. That’s from my video game pitch.

Anyway so the next level is figuring out what world you want to go see. I mean there’s The Wide World of Sports and there’s Cost Plus World Market (I don’t think many people shopped at Cost, before they merged) and there’s the Omaha World-Herald and there’s World 4: Giant Land but after careful consideration and weighing all the options and seeing a commercial with the Muppets I decided to go see Walt Disney World.

It only made sense. I mean, they’ve got the World Showcase thingy in Epcot and that would let me get a ton of different countries out of the way all at once. That’s just like smart or something.

So tomorrow my journey will begin. My journey of writing about the journey I took last fall. And your journey of reading it. And maybe we’ll listen to some Journey.

See you then.

So, you’ve probably noticed that I like didn’t update a whole bunch in the last year. I’ve been kind of busy. See, I was having a hard time thinking up things to write about so I decide to travel a bit and like see the world and stuff and then I could write about all the places I visited. Sounds like a great idea, right?

But then after months of visiting places I realized it would make more sense to write about each of the places one at a time. Especially since I’d already forgot about most of the places I visited.

So I just sort of like came home and started writing about other stuff. I think I might have some stuff to say about the other places, too, though.

So we were driving around looking for a place to eat. At first we were going to just go to Noodles & Company but they were like way too crowded to even find a parking spot so Judy told me to keep my eyes out for an alternative. So I kept my eyes out for a Noodles & Assoc LLC or a Noodle, Noodle, Salad, & Noodle or a Poly Global Tri Noodle Ltd (formerlly James A. Noodle & Son) or something but there apparently just aren’t a lot of alternatives to Noodles & Company around.
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So, Judy watches Lost, a show on Ay Bee See that is called that because “watches, lost” like pretty much sums up what everybody who hasn’t seen every episode does when somebody puts it on in front of them.

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So, yesterday the movie Watchmen came out and I was like so psyched because I’d been looking forward to it for freaking ever.

What? Oh no. I didn’t go see it. But everybody else did which means my friend Beth finally has to shut up about how she saw like a rough cut unfinished version months and months and months ago. I mean, seriously Beth. I saw The Spirit and even fewer people have seen that then had seen the early screening of Watchmen, but you don’t see me going around bragging about that all over the place.

So this was a pretty big summer for movies but when you’re an Big Old School Comic Geek the two biggest would have to be Ironman and The Dark Knight. They were both pretty awesome and everybody’s acting like The Dark Knight is the best comic book movie ever made but honestly I have to say I enjoyed Ironman more. It’s the kind of movie they don’t make any more, because they already made it like last year.

Though I heard they’re talking about a sequel so I guess it might be the kind of movie they make any more, at least once.
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Science still hasn’t given us the flying cars, but we do now have bacon flavored lollipops. We’re like halfway there, people.

So I didn’t get to post anything the last couple of days. Apparently Paris ran out of things to be offended about in real life so she decided to look on the internet. Luckily for her it didn’t take very long for her to find something. Unluckily for everybody else who maybe wanted to do some browsing or update their blogs or whatever she kept finding more and more.

Thank God she finally got to the point where she was too pissed off to even look at the screen any more. This was caused by something called “appropriation”.
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Hey guys I’m sorry if my typing is a little bit hoarse or something but I am ESS EYE SEE KAY SICK. This morning I sneezed so much that I got a headache, and I’ve sneeze so much since then that I think like even my headache has its own headache now.
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But I am eating caramel covered Bugles™ and I am here to tell you, internet, that they are fantastic. I’m telling my friend Paris that if somebody starts showing up at the farmer’s market with some locally grown organic stuff that tastes like this, she should totally get me some.

Hey! You want to see something that’s like really seriously disturbing and that nobody in their right mind would want to look at? You’re on the internet so I guess the answer is probably yes.
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So apparently a lot of people were like worried that the world was gonna end or something last night, because some scientists in Switzerland dug a tunnel to France and exploded the universe inside it, for science.
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Okay so you like remember when I told you about the ice cream that came with root beer swirled in?
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So my friend Paris finally got some better video games for her Wii, and all it took was me borrowing Judy’s credit card and her neighbor’s unsecured wireless connection. So far she’s got River City Ransom, Super Mario Bros. 1, 2, and 3, Bubble Bobble, the Legends of Kage and Zelda, and Metroid.
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Everywhere I go it seems like people are talking about the election and politics and stuff. All I know is that when I was in school my civics teacher told me that people who don’t vote have no right to complain. I was like, well that’s awfully convenient for him since none of the kids he taught were old enough to vote in the first place.
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So last night I was eating a big bowl of ice cream in bed and Judy’s all like “Don’t you even have any respect for your body?”
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So we went to the supermarket yesterday and Judy spent like I swear to God five hours circling around the parking lot looking for a parking space that was “close enough” to the door, which I think in her case means it’s somehow closer to the door than the sidewalk is.
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Oh hey, I have a blog? That’s kind of cool, but I guess I should probably do something with it. My friend Paris is always taking stuff that she found and turning it into a lamp or a planter or some kind of bizarre hybrid lamp/planter which will rise up and throw off the shackles of its human oppressors to usher in the Empire of the Plamper.
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So last week we went to the mall here and ended up eating at The Cheesecake Factory. Do not let the name fool you: the so-called “factory” is actually a restaurant. Otherwise we probably wouldn’t have eaten there. I think they call themselves a factory because they want to emphasize that their cheesecakes are made by hand. It’s like reverse pscyhology, you know? Very tricky.
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So Judy keeps wanting me to go across the river to the casinos with her but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Every single time we go to the casinos she ends up losing all her money, usually five minutes after she asks me to hold her pocketbook. It’s a serious problem. I’d probably like stage an intervention or something, but I really kind of need the money.
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Last time I explained one way to know if you’re in a mall or an airport. I guess next I should explain The Rules of Eating At The Mall, so that once you’ve figured out that you’re in a mall, you know how to eat appropriately. Apparently, a lot of people don’t know these rules or even realize that there are rules.
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Okay so it’s been almost a month since I’ve posted but I’ve got a pretty good reason in that I temporarily forgot where the internet was. I thought maybe it existed in the hearts of every child everywhere, but it turns out it’s actually inside computers, which means I wasted a lot of time studying the diagrams in medical text books.

In the mean time not a whole lot of stuff has happened but just recently I went on a road trip with Judy and some friends to Des Moines.
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Right, so Lexy’s apparently been having server problems off and on again. I wonder why she doesn’t go to a different restaurant. She gave me the okay to update again, though, so I don’t really care. I’ve got lots of important stuff to tell you about.

Like today I’m going to talk about the live-action Swamp Thing show that was out in like the early 90s on USA, because I just got it on Dee Vee Dee.
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So I mentioned that I’m back together with Judy the other day, right? Well one of the things I was really looking forward to about moving back with her was the fact that I’d be able to get caffeine again. I mean Paris has started buying me Caffeine Free Diet Dr. Pepper, which apparently tastes more like regular Diet Dr. Pepper, but that’s not quite the same thing, you know?
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